A Power Within

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Seasons Pass – January 2008 – by Susie Hemingway

So seasons pass all eight of them!
from calm to gusty days,
from shock and realisation, to
shock and back again,
you can’t stop the rain from falling
but you can catch it in your hands
and, in so doing –
you cup life within your palms.

In soft and gentle days of Spring
to gather forth a plan,
you breathe again and understand
in veiled obscured, shifting sands,
the changes, as in flowers grow
unfold in prudent ways,
but life will never be entirely, quite
the same again.

So Summer came as some did say?
but we preclude most all these days.
In fear and sacred keeping
to grasp and hold at bay
but sabre swords do block our way,
with dragons at our door,
and Summer passes like poppies fade
amidst golden sunlit fields.

As pears that do not ripen
affirmation takes it’s place,
when Autumn turns to gold
my mind trenchant and keen;
I conquer many fearsome things
subdue and overcome, and as the mists
arrive, how precious days become…

So Seasons pass, all eight of them
and two years fly as seconds do,
the snow lies on the ground –
as hearts can only do,
and as I stand before thee
in Grateful Gratitude, to
glean and gain as red berries do,
to start the Year anew…

@ Copyright 2008

Dreams and Reality January 2008 – by Susie Hemingway

Dreams and Reality.

Dreaming in the ribboned night,
of Planets, Stars and all things bright
in velvet hues of inky black,
the smoky mists that take me back
to cosy nights and ‘Welcome’ mats.
In scarlet colours of my mind
such simple things that still survive.
Dreams that are the very best
sweet smelling babies in their vests.

Crystal eyes in dreams of thee
the way together, to simply be.
Gentle hands in swirling clouds
the brain that whizzed and wondered how?
Such purple days of solitude,
in quiet temperate harmony.
The thoughts of many twinkling flights…
return to me in silenced nights,
times of midnight Desert walks
the smell of incense in the air
times in life with sensual flair.

Close your eyes, dear one for me
and dream of ‘midnight blue’ the sea,
dream of opal shell-like sands
along Agamy’s* mystic land.
Rest sweet one and lose your pain
for I will try another day,
fortitude comes in swirling clouds
in sheets of drizzle around me now.
If I could find another way,
then I won’t have failed again today.

*A beach on the outskirts of Alexandria Egypt.

@ Copyright 2008

What a Lovely Comment !!

This extract taken from Hemingby Village News Letter.

On a personal level I would like to thank Susie for the fabulous evening enjoyed in the village hall on the occasion of her 60th birthday. It was a wonderfully happy evening for all who attended and although it was sad that her husband Hamada was not able to be present in person I am sure he was there in his thoughts as he was in the thoughts of all of those present. It was however fabulous that Hamada was able to be at the Christmas Party. Joe Calzagy the undisputed super middle weight champion of the world has a reputation of being a superb boxer and was recently winner of the sports personality of the year award but he is not remotely in the same class as a fighter as Hamada and Susie to whom we extend our best wishes for the coming year.

Bob Parish ( Chair )

Update.

Hamada had a very good Christmas managing quietly to join nearly all the fun, eating well and participating in card games and visits to our village pub on several occasions for more than one Christmas Lunch! It’s lovely to have visitors to our home again but we still check carefully for colds, well as much as we can! Infections are the most singularly important consideration still.

Just before Christmas we visited the Haematology clinic at Lincoln Hospital for the results of Hamada’s ‘Bence Jones test’ we knew it was unlikely that all cells had been captured and the test shows that a small amount still remains. Not quite as good as we had hoped. He will have another test during the next month or so and this will be watched carefully for the increases.

Hamada is still weak and requires a lot of sleep and much care, still everyday there is a tiny improvement – his hair is growing back and he now has a soft downy covering. He does suffer with back ache and must commence a little exercise to improve the supporting muscles, starting with a daily walk around the house.
He eats well and is contented with a quiet life I think we have a guardian angel as Hamada seems to have got through these past weeks since transplant remarkably well. Thank you all for all the wonderful letters and good wishes for a better 2008 – it was a tough 2007 but we made it. Now we hope for a good spell and the Spring to come. Our love and best wishes to you all.

Latest Update

Happy Christmas to Everyone.

Hamada continues at a good pace and did on the 9 December managed to don suit, collar, tie and fedora with a little help, to attend our village Xmas luncheon with a grand crowd of seventy five. It was a fabulous affair with a superb lunch of turkey and all the trimmings which Hamada enjoyed immensely. Our wonderful villagers welcomed him back for his first social outing in many months. It was so lovely for him to see so many friendly faces and many of our great supporters.
Hamada still rests for most of the time, he is still extremely weak and has some difficulty moving about, but getting up now in the early afternoon to enjoy a little television or to read. On bright sunny days we now go for a drive across the wolds, wrapped up well ,Hamada really enjoys this and very slowly he is managing to do more for himself. We are still cautious and as careful about infections as we can be. He will visit with the Haematology department next week and we continue to hope that the blood counts and readings will be good. My best wishes to you all.

Update.

Really good news this week, at Hamada’s regular check-ups at Lincoln Hospital. all his readings and counts are up! The Doctor was really pleased at his progress and now believes it will not be long before Hamada can mix again and go to public places and start to lead a more normal life. This is such wonderful news for us, and we plan as our goal, to go to our Village Xmas dinner in two weeks time, even if it’s for a short time – what an achievement that will be! This will mark the start of a more regular life again. He still cannot walk very far and his energy levels are really extremely low. He sleeps straight again after breakfast for a good part of the morning getting up later in the day, but we are managing to extend the time he is up and awake. We are now thinking of Christmas together and of perhaps dare I say the Spring, something we did not believe a few months ago . Thanks again to all at Nottingham – have you any idea what joy you bring to us? to all our supporters, family and friends, who keep up with Hamada’s tremendous journey . He sends all best wishes to you all, as i do .

It is Not Love – If You Must Ask – by Susie Hemingway

What is love, I’m often asked
my answer is, it’s not a task,
It’s when you only have to glance,
to make your heart turn in a trance,
when eyes cannot turn away
and when you yearn from day to day,
your soul and mind in endless tune,
it is not love – if you must ask.

What is love, the girls do ask,
when you can trust another soul
with secrets you have never told,
when your mind and heart can blend as one
and when silence, a delight becomes.
When you know that you would walk,
a thousand miles, for eyes and soul,
and just one glance,
it is not love – if you must ask.

What is love, the boys do ask,
it’s when you care more than yourself,
as in your busy days you’ll find, and
when you try another kind!
your mind refuses, turning back
although you try another track,
your heart refuses, to let go,
don’t ask me! for you will always know
it is not love – if you must ask.

It’s when you find the strength that lies
in waiting for the sun to rise
across your soul and heart and mind
a love so pure, the only kind.
It’s when in everyday, a joyous song
a heart that sings, in sweet refrain,
a closeness and a precious gem,
just wait for love, no other kind.

It is not love – if you must ask.


dedicated to my youngest son Yousef – October 30


@ Copyright 2007

It is now five weeks since Hamada had his ‘stem cell transplant’ and he is proceeding well. Yesterdays trip to Lincoln Hospital was a really good visit, with blood counts up nicely and kidney function so improved now at 15 and with the news that next Wednesday they are to remove Hamada’s central line (Hickman) which will be done at Lincoln, one less thing to worry about regarding infection. He is also starting a 24hr ‘Bence Jones test’ next Tuesday to test again, the levels of Bence Jones protein in the urine. This will give an indication of how well the transplant has gone. The Doctor seem very pleased with progress so far, reminding us again for the need to be careful about avoiding any infections , Hamada is still wearing a protective mask when entering the Hospital and thoughout each clinic- the single most important piece of advice, hospitals being most dangerous for picking up infections from not only patients but visitors also.

Hamada is still extremely weak and very weary always but he is slowly increasing his food intake and managing to say awake for a little longer each day now.
The above photo shows Hamada trying on his new ‘fedora’ which was brought by our son Jo in readiness for the spring and the walks we shall have together – ‘In Sha’allah’

Update at 3 November 2007

Hamada is continuing well. His first check-up was carried out at Lincoln Hospital last thursday, where he continues to have his ‘bard’ line flushed, if he continues well, this will be removed in due course. Then he had bloods taken and although not brilliant, the stem cells do now have a reading of 0.9, which is going in the right direction.

Hamada remains happy and glad to be home, he is extremely weary and has bouts of nausea which slows down the weight gain, still he is now managing small frequent meals and I am pleased to see him eating a little of his favourites. He needs to build on his weight currently 55kg. he sleeps late in the mornings and when awake has been enjoying the view from our windows over looking beautiful farmland and this lovely late autumn sun. He is then glad to be back in bed during the early evening. When visiting the hospital Hamada were a protective face mask for the whole time he was there (a small tip for our friends in the same position). We felt this to be so important to protect him from any infections as he is so vulnerable during this recovery period.

He asks me to thank you all, for the great messages and calls, emails and letters, for all the best wishes and encouragement from everyone following his journey.

Update

GREAT NEWS!! After getting back the daily readings, if was decide late afternoon that Hamada, after seventeen days in The Centre For Clinical Haematology, could return home. we made the journey to Nottingham – late yesterday.

Late afternoon he had another red-blood cell transfusion and after leaving most of his hair there! we took him home.

Thanks to Prof. N Russell and his team, what amazing work they do. Thanks also to all the staff on Fletcher ward for their kindness and immense help during this time.

Hamada will now be closely monitored, he still has some sickness and will have frequent check-ups at Lincoln. Now we pray this will give him the longest remission. Thank you all for your wonderful good wishes and support, how lovely to have him home.

Update.

Hamada continues quite well. Count now at 0.3, it did go back to 0.1 it’s normal for it to go up and down for a bit to start with. We hope for a higher reading later today. He has received more platelets to prevent anemia and is a little sick this morning but the drugs get that under control really quickly. His lovely grey hair is falling fast now, so I have a nice selection of hats ready to keep his head warm. He has done amazingly well so far. When the count reaches 0.5 we hope Hamada will be allowed home.

THE BEST NEWS – UPDATE.

The best news today Sunday 21 October 2007 – we have been told today that Hamada has a count of 0.2 which is such good news. He has received some platelets, and is very tired, sleeping a lot, which is quite normal at this stage but he is bright and cheerful when awake. We understand that he may be able to come home when the count reaches 0.5 but of course he will require frequent check-ups during the early post transplant period. All his harvested stem-cells were use in this transplant, so now we hope and pray Hamada will be successful with a long remission. I know it’s early days but I so wanted to share this news with you all.

A Teardrop From Your Eye – by Susie Hemingway

I saw the teardrop from your eye
you turned your head, a little sigh,
you feel your pain, but seldom say
“yes it’s been a difficult day”
the courage of this daily battle,
you’re brave and steadfast, it’s your way
never letting in the sadness that
begins at dawn and ends at sleep.
I saw the teardrop from your eye
it made me angry, it made me cry.

The changes you accept so well
must be for you, a living hell,
to not be steady on your legs
to feel so sick, you need your bed.
You sit and drink the world right in
in quiet ways, you always sing,
you smile as if a secret brings
a gift of happiness within.
I saw that teardrop from your eye
it made me angry, it made me cry.

Your quiet ways and inner peace
accepting all, not giving way
just hoping for another day.
To sit and be, in joyous calm
not asking for a magic charm,
if it were me, I’d scream and shout
your so determined, there’s no doubt
such dignity, such pride, but
I saw that teardrop from your eye
it made me angry, it made me cry.

When all about you rush and bother
you sit and watch and quietly be
your love for me so clear to see,
never once do you complain
I see your passion, it never wanes,
you watch and wait, but never say
“this has not been, the best of days”
your daily thanks and generous praise,
they always take my breath away.
I saw that teardrop from your eye
it made me angry, it made me cry…

@ Copyright 2007

Update 16th

Hamada appears a little better today, the Doctor informed us that the blood tests show he had a mild form of septicemia, so now that the antibiotics are doing their work he feels better and is back with us again . Keep up the good work Habibi.

Update – 14 October 2007.

The past few days have not been very good for Hamada and we have been most worried. As the High-dose Chemotherapy finished and the next procedure started, (the infusion of stem cells) Hamada became distressed, very confused and disorientated. The Doctors believe it could be an infection starting and have place him on antibiotics. It has been a most difficult time for him and with a back sore from the bone marrow aspiration, which is to read the measurement of Myeloma and is performed again six weeks after completion, to see how successful this procedure has been, it has all been rather too much for him and his mind has been severely disturbed. He found it difficult to talk and comprehend, was agitated and not the normal placid Hamada we know. Yesterday he seemed somewhat better which was a relief. During these days after transplantation, the reinfused stem cells migrate to the bone marrow and begin the process of producing replacement blood cells. Now hopefully the stem-cells will start to produce these new blood cells, a process called engraftment, this should happen during the next 10 to 15 days. Until engraftment is complete Hamada remains susceptible to infection. A great team at Nottingham working hard for him – thank you all.

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