A Power Within

Category: In Death Page 1 of 4

I Missed You.

                             

I missed you, when the heated rhythm of Salsa, that feels so like chillies when they touch your tongue drifted across the dance floor,
I missed you as this enticing music reached my jewelled pinned ears.
Where were you? When the luscious sounds of Sax blues, caught my needy toes so carefully encased in high dancing shoes.
Where were those slim sun touched hands that would reach to twirl me to the dance floor.
Where was the graceful dancer, whose gentle persuasion could spin me like a whirlpool, making me turn and sway to the sounds of Latin beats and Bluesy tones.
Tell me, where were those magical eyes, those sparkling rays of light, that always laughed with me.
Where was that smile, those breathy movements on the dance floor, those feet that could glide and coax the dancer from my soul.
How my heart wants to dance with you once more, instead of standing alone when the music calls to me.
I watched the others spin and whirl but my arms were empty, sadness for your charms that made me feel like sixteen again.
I was never a wallflower but she has found me now, where were you when the deliciously heated sound of Salsa reached my ears,
where were you?

 

Going Down

Going Down…

How fast life changed
I torpedoed to the bottom
I crashed and fell…
Legs forgot how to work
as furnace burnt into my chest
and a sea of dampness turned
my head into a torrent of water.

I shivered and shook, the severity of rigours
that could not be controlled.
I couldn’t remember my name but
two people could, they gathered me,
pulled me back, fought for me, I could hear them…
Strong words spoke for me, kind hands helped in every way.
I closed my eyes and drifted to that easier place…

Blue lights and strong hands, noise and speed,
“is the speed scary Mam” the ambulance medic asked,
I do remember saying I though it all rather exciting,
as needles went into my hands, and oxygen
covered my strangely blue lips.
Very bright overhead lights and reassuring voices
as I was whisked along at speed.
It didn’t look like any hospital I had visited before!

Hard gurney turned to soft bed,
hands and arms became medi-ports
as a team of nurses arrived and took over my body.
A respiratory specialist appeared
with a calm and smiling face and tons of knowledge.
Oxygen stayed put.
Bloods taken showed massive infection.

Thank you for getting me here so quickly.
Thank you for such great life saving attention,
I wanted to sleep but your loving faces pulled me back,
thank you both for sleeping over
when the storm appeared,
I was scared but you willed me to stay.

I am still here…
I am so grateful and humbled
I am still here…

April 2024. Dubai.

How Dim This Sky.


Lay down your guns
your weapons snarl
they maim and rip
like devils teeth,
they tear and kill
my heart it bleeds,
how cold my limbs
I implore your eyes
lay down your guns,
how dim this sky.

Land, air, sea bombarded
with too much ease,
crushed and broken
a Mother pleads,
as buried beneath
with face of tears,
place down your guns
I plead this military might,
It’s not too late
to stop this fight.

Place down your guns
refuse this fight.
how dim this sky
the ends in sight

How dim this sky. 

Gaza October 2023.
Susie Hemingway 2023

A Memory With Janey.

Jane’s Memorial Day-A Special Memory.

It seems a long time ago now but then I suppose it is, Forty Three years in fact. In the Spring of 1980 Jane and I visited the land of the pharaohs. I had recently met Hamada and he kindly ask if we would like to go visit his family in Egypt. He was coming towards the end of a postgraduate degree and it was a busy time for him so he kindly asked if we would like to travel to Alex to meet his family. Jane and I jumped at the chance and hurriedly made our plans. Alfie, Mum and Dad waved us off at Heathrow.

We had the usual bags and things seemed easier in those days. I remember well Jane had a fairly substantial carry-on bag with of course the most important items. Layered carefully across the top were a beautiful precious bunch of English daffodils from Jane and Alfie’s garden. Not wanting these to be crushed they certainly must go as cabin baggage. We were stopped at baggage as they weighed the offending large bag and stated it must go in the hold, as much too big. Jane’s very clear voice said this was just not possible as this bag contained her contact lens! Everyone laugh! They smiled and sent us quickly on our way, with bag intact, (things were certainly different to travelling now)

So started a holiday of a lifetime.

We really didn’t know what we were going too! Having only met Hamada a short time before but he assured me that all would be very fine indeed.

As we started the descent Jane and I looked at each other with a little dismay and trepidation as our noses pressed up against the window showed what looked like a very grubby set of playing cards, stacked as houses and the tiny very dirty looking narrow alleyways of old Cairo. We fought our way through the much too busy airport, first time seeing the scary guns of the security guards, everything looked so shabby at that time, subsequently better in the years to come, when I visited again many times, But we found the allotted meeting place, pushing through the crowds, stepping over seated people, donkey traps, bikes, beggars, old taxis and the odd camel to where Hamada’s two brothers and older brother-in-law were waiting outside.

They welcomed us profusely and showed us very politely to an old but beautifully cared for, Black Mercedes sedan and we proceeded through a traffic jam and the tremendous noise and bustle in “downtown Cairo to pick up the beach route out to Alexandria. Jane looked across at me with a wink and a reassuring gaze but I knew we both thought perhaps this is a luxury ride to the slave trade. The guys seemed really nice but oh boy it was hot and our clothes were already sticking to us. It was v hot, no a/c was working in the car or perhaps they thought it was not that hot, it was after all only April. About half way on our journey one of the brothers produced a flask and tiny glasses and mint tea was passed around.

We both enjoyed that, although sickly sweet with sugar it revived us and we became more comfortable but their v little English and our no knowledge of Arabic made us laugh when probably we shouldn’t. Two+hours and 122 kilometres later we arrived outside a huge old grand Victoria house set back on a hill overlooking the sea in the bay of bolckly, Alex. A very fine old house with crystal chandeliers and servants, it was cool inside and smelt so good of cedar and oud, lovely after the stuffy car, there we met the family and more extended family and were able to give the precious daffodils to Mamilet Hamada’s Mother. She sent for a vase and water, which Jane and I could have downed in one go! and proceeded slowly to arrange the flowers as if each had gold stems. They stayed on the piano for the duration of our stay and were v much admired by all, even when faded and crisp. Mamilet repeating the story over and over in her deep guttural voice to any guest that arrived, about the gift that the two English girls had brought from England. Not a bit interested in the Stratton powder compact I had given but that was coveted away v quickly by those beautiful hands and dark Jackdaw eyes.

My poem Al Byt, Al Kabeer, on my blog here tells more clearly, and reminded Jane of those times and where you may read her comments beneath. Soon a large pot of English tea and the famous syrupy Egyptian cakes arrived, we looked at each other and knew all would be very fine indeed.

Needless to say we had the holiday of a lifetime. We were given an apartment belonging to one of the daughters for the duration of our stay but every night we would return to the big house for a formal dinner, we had fun dressing for that with our limited clothes and each brought a shawl from the souk to cover our arms. We learnt quickly.

So many things happened during that holiday that to us were incredibly exciting. Travelling across the Nile Delta 261 km to Port Said and then across to Fouad City. Where we spent the night in a really dodgy bunk house with a chair pinned under the door and BIL Al Hussany sitting on guard outside the door all night for our protection. We could hear guns firing, odd rumbles, dogs barking all night. We slept in our clothes as the blankets looked well used but still we laughed although we were scared witless!

Then to another extreme, sitting in rattan peacock chairs on the balcony of the grandiose export company friend of the family, Hamza and Co, overlooking the Suez Canal and being fanned, big heavy hand-held punkah fans and served mint tea and small Egyptian baboosa cakes by the v young boys who worked there. Janey said at the time, well who would ever believe this?

So many things stay in my mind of that time. Laying in bed in the v early mornings and hearing a bell ringing and the nay of a donkey outside the bedroom window (and Janey with a wail and not ready to wake quite yet and hiding her head under the beautiful soft Egyptian cotton pillows) then leaning out to lower down the rope which was attached to the window frame and pulling up a basket of fresh apricots and strawberries, then the early knock on our door as a tray of warm battered fruits and soft white bread and v strong coffee/or tea would arrive from the big  house for breakfast. Hamada’s household had servants And Nora who was assigned to us, would regularly shrink our best trousers and favourite t-shirts till we wised up and put them back in our cases grubby, saying we had no washing today Shukrun!

Jane loved every moment of it, even when we got quite sick with Ramses Revenge after eating an under-cooked Nile fish. We took a chance in the end as we got sicker, drinking a family potion that smoked out of the glass and smelt of sulphur, revolting but we looked at each other, pinched our noses and said think of England and downed it!

We did all the museums in our matching navy pleated skirts a fashion at the time and when the half asleep guide in the Alex museum unlinked the ropes around the sarcophagus, for a much closer look, we felt special, being English in those days, opened many doors, we were able to lean over to inspect v closely the toes and part faces to see noses poking through the ragged cloths of the Pharaohs bodies, we were enthralled and felt special as the other sightseers had to remain firmly behind the barriers. We visited the then famous boulevarge cafe an open vine covered roof and rattan furnished meeting place, for wealthy young people and lovers. We also visited the Steigenberger Cecil Hotel in Alex, with its dusty palms in the mirrored vestibule, it was built in 1929 by the French-Egyptian Jewish Metzger family as a romantic hotel, Guests have included, Churchill, Somerset Maugham and Al Capone. Jane and I had her favourite Earl grey tea in the lounge, we lingered a long time over this and ate the sugar lumps and studied the cutlery, gorgeous China and many faces looking for the famous film stars of the day. This hotel appears in one of the great works of English fiction, the book ˜The Alexandria Quartet by Lawrence Durrell. Also something I found out later that the British Secret Service retained a suite there. We fitted in well and the service was impeccable!

We spent a further three days in Heliopolis staying with a marvellous elderly Aunt and Uncle again in the most gorgeous home. We toured at night the alleys of Cairo and even wandered the ‘ladies squeeze’a long very narrow passageway with gift stalls on either side, when all the lights in Cairo went out, a not too uncommon power cut. We clung to each other as faceless galabiyahed folk pressed rather too closely, scared for sure but still we laughed as we clutched our souk purchases and each other!

We rode camels right out in the desert as,many do but in a Kamseen wind, not like it is now, so built-up and spoilt, it was still free and unstructured, we inspected the wonderful Pyramids, everything was so easy in those days. The wonderful music, the warm people, the sounds, the different foods, we tried most everything. When I returned I wrote a poem for Janey called One year Ago  Janey loved it, she often spoke of this holiday over the years mentioning it most every time I saw her. Of course I have many memories of my much loved sister but this is My memory this is Our memory and one I will take care of, for always…

Susie Moursi. May 2023.

Music of the time: We are Family – Sister Sledge. 1979. Good Times – Nile Rodges.

copyright  Susie Hemingway.

Heaven Knows.

I had forgotten how much I love these words.

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before, more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.”

Charles Dickens, GREAT EXPECTATIONS.

And Suddenly – Covid.

The world turned on its head today,
It collided, stumbled stuttered and fell.
the bustling regular ordinary days
the ones we love the best, changed,
slowly at first but then, with a great rush of fear.


The world turned on its axis, it shuddered,

And all at once fearful for the life of our world to come,
we halted and stalled.
Those approaching the Autumn of their days
must stay contained, the hardy stalwarts must
not rock this boat  or it might capsize, might go under…

 

The young executives our money makers,
our decision makers, now confined to home offices,
sitting in underpants,
as trains and city centres empty
draining like blood from worried faces…
The world turned on its axis today…

 

The call to prayer, voices thinned, as announcements
came of closures of Mosques,
the suspension of Mass starting to curb the spread of Covid-19.
The world turned on its axle today….
Theme parks stilled, theatres, cinemas, halted in prose,
visas suspended as the world turned on
It’s axis today…


Death is not the only common fear, science is the only common hope.

Humanity is our only common thread.
The world turned on its axis today…
Susie Hemingway March 2020

 

Emotional On Bus 34.

 

Lowered eyes glanced through grimy windows
smeared rain spots across the filthy panes of Bus34.
Memories sneaked the corners of my mind and rolled hotly down my cheeks.
Casting eyes upwards to grey smudgy skies, head resting at a tired angle
I looked for you…

 

The dirty light of filthy day, no sunshine broke my blurring eyes
your dear dark velvet, heavily fringed eyes, slowing closing
flooded my mind and filled my vision.
Desperate days that still seemed like yesterday,
days that were long now, spoilt by loss.
Taking this evening route daily
life did not improve, my time to recall,
my time to remember…

 

Emotional on Bus 34.

I Have Not Forgotten.

Do You Think I had Forgotten You ?

 

The years and months pass quickly now from the delicate Springtime to the gloriously hot Summers the brilliant kaleidoscope of Autumn and on to the snow covered Winters,the days and months sneakily roll into one patch of time.I look from my windows at the changing seasons but only see you, do you think I had forgotten? I cover my days well, I smile a lot, its good to smile…But forget no! There will be no forgetting.
Loss is made endurable by love and it is love that will echo through eternity…

Can I Mention Your Name.

When I don’t mention your name

it wishes to slip through my lips

it rolls around in my mouth

it hinders my speech

you are not a memory lost

you are with me always

yearning to escape,

please can I mention your name?

 

A new guest for tea

like old school friends relaying

the years past, the joy of connection

laughter and life,

she asks your name

it flows like a coursing stream

channels down on fresh white linen it falls,

it ripples, slides and spills…

 

Oh the joy of saying your name

oh the passage of cherished time

fills my heart making my ears happy,

your name tastes of sweet soft

honey on my tongue,

it tastes of Caspian beluga caviar

on thin warm blinis,

it makes my eyes open wide with joy,

it is my heaven it is my desire…

 

 Can I mention your name…

“Manchester”

A poem…begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness… It finds the thought and the thought finds the words.
ROBERT FROST, The letters of Robert Frost to Louis Untermeyer.

Manchester – 22 May 2017

Dark these recent stormy skies
battleship grey, gloom filled evening
entangled with tears…
Blood spills in joyous places from
young music revellers,
it flows warmly away
on their recent faces of smiles…

It is not the teaching of Islam
for there is no religion
that would condone this act
your souls are damaged
by promises of a utopian heaven
for this is NOT the teaching of Islam…

Your minds are radicalised,
soaked from poison dripped evil,
do you not understand what is happening?
Listen and STOP!

This corruption of your spoilt minds,
brain-washed by evil despots
who are themselves the infidels…

This is NOT religion, it is NOT the teachings of Islam.

My Wish for 2017.

My 2017 Wish: ❤️

When I was younger, I never thought about losing someone I loved, silly me, how naive but I thought as I loved my Mother and Father utterly and entirely that they would be there forever, well at least until they were VERY old. Then the years passed quickly and so did they and they weren’t…Then a few short years later I lost my ‘ best love’ ! I recently looked at my old address book and was saddened at the names crossed through, friends no longer here. 😔
❤️As a New Year starts, 2017, a once thought of faraway number for me, may I ask you something dear family, dear friends, may I ask you to love and cherish those precious to you. Hold them tight, never take them for granted, give them loads of hugs and tell them you love them❤️
My constant consolation in life is that I told my Mum and Dad and my ‘ best love’ often how much I loved them – we all did – it’s a family thing perhaps but it wasn’t always so but how very important you know, for one day you may ‘ turn around’ and ‘they’ have gone…
Do it at the start of this New Year, ❤️do it today❤️do it now, say it often,hold them close❤️for love, if you feel it, is the greatest gift you can give, it is also the greatest gift you can receive. Tell your children, your wife, your husband, your partner, your lover, your mistress, your dear friend, your pet, that you love and cherish them if you do ❤️Never miss the chance, for life is so fleeting and memories are all that remain when those you love are gone, remember love is the greatest and most powerful gift of all! ..❤️

Corinthians 13:1
” I may speak in different languages of people or angels but if I do not have love I am a noisy bell or a crashing cymbal. I may have the gift of prophecy. I may understand all the secrets things of God and have all knowledge and I may have faith so great I can move mountains but even with all these things, if I do not have love, then I am nothing…”

❤️I love you my dear family and my dear friends and I wish you all a very Joyous And Healthy 2017❤️

The Box Of Secrets – Poems of Love.

img_3248 img_3255

“The Box Of Secrets” Poems and Photos available in soft-back and hardback styles, all to be found on www.blurb.co.uk. Under poetry. Or http://www.blurb.com/b/7455812-the-box-of-secrets  This book is sold via Blurb and not from this page.

The Box Of Secrets.

img_3170http://www.blurb.com/b/7455812-the-box-of-secrets.img_3177

The Box Of Secrets

Introducing my new glossy coffee-table book full of ”Poems of Love” and gorgeous photos. You can find it over at www.blurb.com in the bookshop under poetry. In larger print for ‘tired’ eyes.img_3177

“Not Just A Paper Flower” by Susie Hemingway

img_4854

Not Just A Paper Flower.

This red paper poppy
I wear with much pride
this token, this mark,
this blood red emblem,
not just a paper poppy
well not in my eyes…

As we turn our thoughts back
during this month of November
we stand with glistening eyes
for those brave gallant soldiers,
many who never came back.
This red paper flower is
all that can show, respect and
admiration to those that did go,
to lonely mist filled beaches and foreign fields,
sailed stormy seas and flew bomb filled air.
Those who stood fast together
with much to bear.

Comrades in battle,
courageous but fearful,
the stories do tell,
of so many who perished
in the horror of war,
this nightmare of violence
where so many fell,
this bravery in brotherhood,
tainted and evil,
this wasted crush of earth…
Remember…not just a paper flower!

Praise to the Army, Home Guard,
Navy and Airforce.
As futurity we’ll never forget,
those dark days of war…
Not just a paper flower, well not for me,
How lucky we are,
as we drink our sweet tea!
How lucky we are for the liberty of life.
Not just a paper flower!
These wars of destruction and strife.

Remember them well, keep in your heart,
this offering of self that they gave in their part.
This gift of autonomy so safely saved,
these great comrades of war
who fought on, day after day.
These brave soldiers of war, Ladies and Men,
who stood fast together
our sovereignty to save,
who marched on for freedom,
our kingdom to defend.
Oh no, not just a paper flower.

They held on forever
so did they dare,
to dream of hearth and home,
of their  loved ones who
they were protecting being there.
This right of liberty so costly paid,
with fervency of pride they gave all
during dark days,
from oppressive evil, our birthrights were saved.

Through Germany and France they marched,
across the desert of El Alamein.
in Palestine to name a few…
for the Italian campaign of Monte Cassino,
we will remember them too!

Not just a paper flower, well not for me,
Not just a paper flower,
This state of being free…

In memory of:
My Father – Brindley Robert Pickering – Germany, France, and Poland.
My Uncle – Thomas Edward Pickering – Monte Cassino in Italy.
My Uncle – John Llewelyn Rawlings. – Egypt, Germany and Palestine.
My Uncle – Albert Stanley Pain. – El Alamein,Egypt. And India.
My Uncle – Robert Applegate Hodgson. The Skies over Europe
My Grandfather. Christopher John Rawlings – ARP Warden ,The City of London.

My Uncle Robert Applegate Hodgson was stationed in Iceland for a time and also with coastal command, patrolling Scapa Flow.He also help drop supplies to the Orkneys and Shetlands. Later involved with towing gliders to Arnheim. He mentioned Berlin and being horrified by what he saw and said “poor devils they had it worse than us”His squadron was sent to Malta but he came down with pneumonia, a lucky escape indeed, he was sent to a beautiful manor house for recuperation. His squadron were shot down and either perished or were captured . Later he became a squadron leader towards the end of the war. His family had all of his relics- a sealed pack with a cyanide pill in! Also altered photos in case he was captured. Just a little of their bravery.

 

Page 1 of 4

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén