A Power Within

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Dreams Of Montazah – by Susie Hemingway

 

p49435-Alexandria_Egypt-El-Montazah_Palace

He dreams of Montazah
the palace within his mind
as he is quietly resting
I know he goes back in time,
the splendid ‘Salam-lek’ palace
built high on hills above
this turquoise studded jewel
secluded bay, entwined with doves.

 

Amid the palms stands clearly
this monument of  love
built from finest red bricks
a blessing from above,
smooth and graceful standing proud,
with white ‘najoods’ and sea around,
he would walk in verdant grounds
in peaceful harmony, no sound.

 

The quiet of these gardens
lush all, 370 fed-dans,
would take his heart in a myriad walk,
his feet on fine white sand.
He dreams of  Montazah, the palace,
always within his mind
this paradise inn of time,
he enters gates that keep the crowds at bay
which for him are opened every single day,

 

and when he’s tired of strolling
I know just where he’ll go
leaving  gazelles and rock gardens
and the flowers he loves so,
he’ll step across the water
to the island of all time
where classical statues never alter,
in plethora there to stand,

 

and here he’ll fish or flirt,
or swim, in sunlit sheltered bays
and for a little while,
he remember all those days,
“Montazah” keeps him peaceful
I see the smile again, and when
he sleeps tomorrow,
he’ll go right back again…

 

* najoods – sand dunes
   fed-dans – measurement of land.

 

All Rights Reserved @ 2007 

The Eyes Of Pride – by Susie Hemingway

Brown they are you know,
big and shiny like Autumn conkers
fringed and dark charcoal smudges
emitting beams like fireflies,
seeing all but telling no one,
meditative powerful authority
once of lushness,
the eyes that could bewitch a maiden
now a little faded perhaps rheumy
one might say, yet could in a blink
seduce and tempt to lead astray…
the eyes that tell the story
the eyes that show their pride,
watchful ebony pigments that
twinkle indiscreetly like
magnificent coal diamonds,
templates of sadness
still, such infinite eyes of pride.

Hamada Makes It! – As Sure As….

As readers to this blog already know I chronicle here, a continuous register of updates and poems telling of Hamada’s journey with the difficult disease of Multiple Myeloma. A most complex illness to treat and stage, with at the moment, no known cure. Still for many people it can be managed well if diagnosed early. Hamada was diagnosed when the Myeloma had attacked his kidneys and was in eighty percent of his blood-steam. So you will understand his courageous battle with this disease.
Hamada was very keen that I record his progress or lack of, during this journey to perhaps help others. So you will appreciate that my poems must be and are, from my true feelings and watchfulness as the days go by. Hamada is currently out of remission but is not undergoing any Chemotherapy treatment at the moment,with only maintenance drugs prescribed, in the hope that he will become a little stronger to try again any remaining chemotherapy drugs. that he has not tried before.

So it was with great delight this weekend that although very weak and sleeping for best part of everyday, he managed to courageously find enough energy to join in Son Matt’s 40th birthday evening celebration, at a very nice local Inn for a splendid family meal together. He had so desired to be there, was determined beyond all measure to make it… so ‘As Sure As’ with a little help from family members, Hamada made it to the Blue Bell Inn. He enjoyed so much this very important celebration although not moving much at all the following day and resting continuously since. Well done Hamada, I know what it took to manage this and I am so very proud of you Habibi.

As Sure As – A Lament by Susie Hemingway.


As sure as the sun rises
in the East everyday
as sure as your smile
lights-up the room where you lay
as sure as this calamity
life robs in this way,
as sure as my anger
snags through this pain,
as sure as the worried looks,
painted on the faces of friends
I see, there will be no gain.

As sure as the rippling tide
ebbs again to flow,
as perpetual stride comes
in the darkness I know,
as soft light fading
to soothe for a while,
how pointless this shattered glass
I hold in my hand…
for as sure as faded petals fall
from the ‘roses’ on your face,
as sure as your dark eyes
keep looking for me,
I’ll breathe and breathe again
so you will never see…

As sure as the gibberish words that I write
as sure as day, comes after night
as sure as this ache that grips at my heart.

As sure as….

All Rights Reserved @ June 2009

Photo: Courtesy of Matt Rutherford.

"I Dreamt" – For Matt and Jo

 
Matt and Jo - Els Graduation 
 
 
I dreamt of having boys you know
a thousand years ago,
tall strong  bright eyed boys,
who’d make me laugh as I grew old,
good honest loving boys
with values and a  ‘Joie de Vivre’
two boys would be just right I thought
to stand with me in times of strife,
that they would be – seamless friends,
I could not ask for more.

 

I dreamt  I would ignite their courage
infuse – to follow all their passions
and watchful for eternity I saw,
their dreams painted on perfect smiles
as brushstrokes make a painting,
and a sapling  makes a tree…
a thousand years ago
my boys did come to me,
I dreamt of having boys you know
a thousand years ago…

 

sometimes dreams snap and break
but sometimes dreams come true.
 
 
 
In Honour Of Matt’s 40th Birthday. June 2009
All Rights Reserved @ June 2009

Finding Something That Chills!

Hamada continues much the same, sleeping his way through most days, bless him. He is trying to conserve/find some energy for a forthcoming special event. Son Matt’s
40TH Birthday, when the whole family will be here for a long weekend. We hope to make this a very special occasion and so we need Hamada, if he can of course, to be able to join us – at a very special place, for the evening celebrations. So fingers crossed for that.

I have recently been playing the new CD of Melody Gardot, this music of the ‘sleepy Jazz type’ that Hamada and I love, it seems to have such a relaxing effect on us both, we imagine dancing together as we did just a few years ago – see my poem “We Dance Again” below.

If you would like something to take your mind of ‘horrid things’ and I know many readers here do. Try the lovely sound of Melody Gardot and her new CD “My One And Only Thrill” Listen to the enchanting “Our Love Is Easy” and the sensual track of the named album, “My One and Only Thrill” and the very delicious “Deep Within The Corners of My Mind” – I so wished I had written that! The wonderful orchestral backing which is quite perfect runs through these tracks, so if you are stressed and worried, this is indeed, very ‘good medicine’ as it takes you easily on a much needed journey…

Susie’s BBC Radio Interview with Judy Theobald


You can hear Susie reading on the third anniversary of Hamada’s Diagnosis with Multiple Myeloma “I Write for You” and also the full BBC radio interview on the Judy Turnbald Morning Show on, http://susietest.stff.me
Under the Categorie – Site News

~ My wonderful congratulation flowers shown above ~

Cairo – by Susie Hemingway

 
GreatSandDunesNationalMonument

 

Oh Cairo of the sepia light
empurple in the late of night,
the sparkling rays on marble stones
the quickest steps and gleaming domes.
The narrow streets and alleyways
the different smells the different ways
the hookah pipes, the mint tea trays,
Oh Cairo and your faded ways.

 

The empyrean of mosaic mosques
The many souks and little shops
the hot and dusty lives we lived
the little child with flower to give.
Street cafe’s where everyday
we sat and watched,
in wondrous gaze
Oh Cairo, I remember all those days

 

The perfume shop where we paid
to smell like ‘Chloe’ in a way!
the special time with special friends,
we thought that is would never end.
Halcyon days spent with you
enticing splendour of garnet hue
twinkling stars in darkest night
Oh Cairo of the sepia light.

 

The dark robed men
with beads and dice,
delicious honey with special spice,
the bright and silky lengths of cloth,
tahina, lentils in a a pot .
Can you recall that magic place?
for I can see your handsome face
Oh Cairo of the sepia light.

 

All Rights Reserved @ 2007

Up-Date

Hamada continues comfortably, still sleeping for about sixteen hours per day. He enjoys all his meals and eats remarkably well. For some time I have been looking at the benefits of ‘Curcumin’ and the very encouraging documentation regarding this supplement for sufferers of many ailments, in particular Multiple Myeloma. Of course it is always a difficult choice to make when deciding to try any addition to the already large amount of maintenance drugs taken daily and the advise of consultant must always be taken into consideration. For many, these extra supplements do seem to help and we were very thoughtful and a little excited about something that could potentially help Hamada. The biggest concern was of course his ailing Kidneys, although much better than at diagnosis, are still a cause for concern. Also the greatest factor, his extremely low Platelet counts (44).
So today when receiving information from the Scientific Panel of a leading distributor of Curcumin here in the UK, confirming that this supplement does indeed have an anti platelet effect and the potential for exacerbation of low platelets,we have decided not to pursue Curcumin further.

Home For Tea – May 2009

 

  May 11 2009 Tea Cups 005

 
You rest in doctors room the struggle great,
deep in reverie while you wait
as musing you gaze, far from me
I wish we could be home for tea…
but more than this, my wish for you
to not have this life of waging war,
to beseech and plead the pain away
this fervency of another day.
I wish I could bewitch this ‘beast’
to lure in cruel felony at least,
I wish we could be home for tea…

 

To listen and note every word
erroneous statements, you must see
as babble on, this fallacy
I ask for more, that will not be,
I wish we could be home for tea…
your shoulders crumple, your limbs are weak
but still you smile, polite, unique,
me bitter and hissing I sag within
this undeserved and stricken life
goes through my heart as doth a knife
I wish we could be home for tea
Oh! I wish we could be home for tea…

 

 May10 2009 013

 

All Rights Reserved @ May 2009

Poet Laureate – Carol Ann Duffy.

How pleased I was to hear the news, that the very brilliant poet Carol Ann Duffy has been chosen to be our new Poet Laureate. I have been a devotee of  her wonderful poems for sometime now, especially her wonderful book “Rapture” which is essential reading for those of us,  lucky to understand that  poems can help us, even during the most painful episodes in our lives.  Her poems are really profound, humane longings of passion, they can and do speak for so many of us. Well done Carol Ann Duffy who is also the  very  first woman Poet.

Further Poems Of Love.

Can be found at http://www.susiehemingway.blogspot.com

“Breath of Life – My Partner” by Susie Hemingway.

 
This poem is dedicated to the partners  and love ones of the  EMS/Firefighters in Providence Rhode Island USA and to the Paramedics and Firefighters World-Wide.

 

Fresh blood falls upon our streets
like dark red satin smooth upon a bed,
wild trees blow and hang their limbs,
as pain strews all living things,
still within, as snug as partners curl
upon a furry rug in fire glow,
my mind tells me you’re safe
my heart knows you are there,
you are the sunlight in my arms…

 

My heart impaled, transfixed in fear
when world rocks life so bitter and cruel
this struggle for peace so gently brave,
in quiet times, as I survey the scene
and in frightening moments of terror
come fragrant as a summer rose,
thoughts of  you…to clear my mind.
you are the sunlight in my arms,
you are my breath of life…

 

” How harsh, how tough, these long days
how precious your honourable soul,
how undemanding how much you care
this ready smile of a brave man
and as you fight for strength, this daily task
your right of sovereignty is quietly protected,
this stillness comes, our land is covered,
lives are changed”

 

But, still you are the sunlight in my arms
Still, you are my partner,
Still you are my breath of life…

 

All Rights Reserved @ April 2009

 

More comments on  “Breath Of Life – My Partner” shown on
http://www.susiehemingway.blogspot.com

3.06.2009 Have heard today from Paul Embery, Regional Offical, London Region, FBU, that this poem has been  circulated to all members of the London Fire Brigade.

Hamada Update – 24 April 2009

Some awaited tests came back yesterday for those who understand and like to follow Hamada’s journey.
The Skeletal Scan clearly shows the L1, L2 and T8 collapse and now there is a small area showing in the pelvic area,which is to be expected but of course still very worrying.
The Bence Jones is holding at 0.03 but the Para Protein (M-Spike ) is up again, now at 8.4 but not at the speed of the past 3 Months.

The Bone Marrow returned at 5%. better than we had hoped for – was 80% at diagnosis in May 2006 – Stem Cell Transplant achieved to good partial remission in October 2007.
Still, there is to be no further treatment at the moment apart from the massive amounts of maintenance drugs daily, even though the M-Spike is rising…the consultants view is to watch and wait.
I would welcome any comments on these readings from those who understand. Thank you.

Our very best and heartfelt thoughts to all our friends and carers who read this blog, and are making with courage, the same journey as Hamada.

Through My Eyes – by Susie Hemingway

The music, distant, dusty but ours from years ago…

fills my mind and soul
my toes in shiny heels do tap,
my face in smiles my hands do clap,
and through my eyes, absorbed and clear
such beautiful faces, sitting here,
these sparkling eyes, this crowded room,
so young, peaceful, handsome, so alive…
just enjoying each other, just being together.
I hear their laughter I place my hand on his,
through my eyes I see them here
through my eyes I see it all…
All rights reserved @ 2009. – Written about the evening of the 18 April 2009

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