I miss you before my mind reaches consciousness

I miss your smile when I leave my dreams.

Missing you is the light of morning and the dusk of eventide,

it is all the hours in between too.

 

I talk to you as I pass your door, I hear your call in the night to me and I hear your feet touch the floor in the hallway.

Missing you is the sun glinting on snow or the foggy gloominess of tearful days.

 

It’s smelling your clothes as I pack them away…when I don’t want to part with them but know I should.

It is this pain I carry heavily around in my heart every day that all know about but that no one can see.

 

Missing you is the tears that try to overwhelm me with their hot painfulness, that jump out to catch-me when I least expect them. That make me feel foolish when they trickle unasked down my face.

 

Missing you is the place that is always yours at the table; it is not wanting to sit there ever again but knowing I must.

Where were you when we all sat with  garish Christmas hats that you always managed to wear and still look cute?

 

I was thinking of you then and all the time when laughter surrounded me, when I heard your voice out of the mouth of another, seeing your smile in my mind and on the face of a stranger!

 

I miss your talks with me at the end of every day, your dear sweet words of love…more than I could miss the air I breathe.

Missing you is the crisp white snow melting in a river of tears, that flow from eyes that seldom cried.

 

I miss too much your dark ‘chocolate coloured’ eyes, even missing the look of pain they carried in recent years. I miss the way they always searched for me. Are they searching for me now?

 

Missing you is the hardest thing I have ever done….or will I ever do…

 

Ray of  Light Photo:  Janey Johnson Photos.