A Power Within

Tag: poem of love

Emotional On Bus 34.

 

Lowered eyes glanced through grimy windows
smeared rain spots across the filthy panes of Bus34.
Memories sneaked the corners of my mind and rolled hotly down my cheeks.
Casting eyes upwards to grey smudgy skies, head resting at a tired angle
I looked for you…

 

The dirty light of filthy day, no sunshine broke my blurring eyes
your dear dark velvet, heavily fringed eyes, slowing closing
flooded my mind and filled my vision.
Desperate days that still seemed like yesterday,
days that were long now, spoilt by loss.
Taking this evening route daily
life did not improve, my time to recall,
my time to remember…

 

Emotional on Bus 34.

“Give Me Your Hand”

 
Give me your hand so I may
hold it tightly within mine
and walk with you.
Give me your gentle heart that I may care for it
when days fall apart, fail us
or allow us to succumb  to
the remotest corner of our minds.
Give me your love so I might take it
to a place you may never have thought to visit.
And then to weave it tightly in a silken cloth
that cannot easily come undone.

 

Place your trust in me to bring colour to your cheeks
and  joy to your days.
Give me your dreams that I may place them
in a small trinket box for safe-keeping,
so you may return once more and share them with me.
Give me your wisdom so I may learn from you.
Allow me a small place in your heart even though
I am unable to yearn for more…

 

Give me your hand so I may walk with you…

 

All Rights Reserved @ Susie Hemingway.

Kiss Me.

 

Kiss me before you leave.
For there may never be another tomorrow.
Look at me clearly before you go,
                                                     for I may not see you again.
Hold me tightly for even fleetingly,
                                                    I need to dream of other days.

 

Let me  look at your reflection in the stream of life.
And allow me to hold your smile in my hands.
Then  I may remember your face,
                amongst the raw wounds that fill my mind.

 

We may not see the future together.
So maybe now is all we have.
Kiss me,
                       before you leave…

 

Copyright 2012.

Waiting for You.

Lilies from Jo -April 2011 004

I seem to wait for you these days,
like longing for the sun to rise after a sleepless night.
When believing that the bright morning rays
that cast shadows across my floor,
will remove this need from my heart.
And still I wait.

 

I wait for you like the excited child before a birthday.
Eager and keen for the day to start
when all the surprises and fun will begin.
But you never come to bring these joys to me!
I know you can’t…I know you would… I know…

 

I’m still waiting for you when I look at the night sky
filled with twinkling jewels.
I look again for you as I enter the house alone.
I’m waiting to see those laughing eyes, black as coal-chips
and the smile that always took my breath away.
I’m waiting…

 

The tears fall as I write this and you would have been
so  mad,
mad with me for being sad – but I’m waiting to hear your
luscious voice once more.
I seem to wait a lot these days.

 

I know you can’t make it right.
I know you can’t…I know you would…I know…

 

All Rights Reserved. 2011.

“I Missed You” ( Just because… )

Hamada and Suise - Alex 1986

I missed you, when the heated rhythm of Salsa
– that feels so like chillies when they touch
your tongue – drifted across the dance floor.         

I missed you as this enticing music reached 
my jewelled pinned ears.

Where were you? when the luscious sounds of
Sax blues caught my needy toes
so carefully encased in high dancing shoes.

Where were those slim ‘sun touched’ hands that would 
reach to twirl me to the dance floor.

Where was the graceful dancer whose gentle persuasion
could spin me like a whirlpool, making me turn
and sway to the sounds of Latin beats and bluesy tones.

Tell me, where were those magical eyes,
those sparkling rays of light,  that always laughed with me.

Where was that smile, those breathy movements on the
dance floor, those feet that could glide and coax
the dancer from my soul.                                                                                   

How my heart wants to dance with you once more,
instead of standing alone when the music calls to me.

I watched the others spin and whirl but my arms were empty,
sadness for your charms that made me feel like sixteen again.
I was never a wallflower but she has found me now.

 
Where were you… when the deliciously heated sound of Salsa
reached my ears… where were you?

 

@ Copyright 2009 Susie Hemingway.

"Poetry is the opening and closing of a door,
leaving those who look through to guess about
what is seen during a moment" Carl Sandburg.

“Thinking of You”

 

Tawlah

Like all the days before.
And all the days that come.
I am thinking of you.
Where are those dark eyes of my pleasure?
The warm gentle smile, our kisses.
I can hear you, I can smell you.
I have so much to tell you.

 

The clearest visions in my mind,
are of your beautiful hands.
Shuffling the cards or counters of “tawlah”
I miss our games! I miss so much
your calm movements, your voice,
your love…
I feel your presence but cannot find you.
The world is going crazy, do you know of that?
I wonder what you would  have said?

 

I know you would be proud of me.
You always were.
Everyone says I’m doing well.
Doing all you told me to do.
Perhaps I need more practice
I always needed more practice!
Remember? (smile)
I don’t need to shut my eyes to see you.
Your presence is always here.
In that place I carry around with me.

 

Do you know its almost three months
I’m thinking of you today
Like every day.
                                      I’m thinking of you…

 

All Rights Reserved.

“Changes” – November 2010

Girl walking out to Sea - Nov 2010

When I started this blog more than four years ago I promised always to tell how it is for a Carer of someone with MM. It was important for me that my poems conveyed a little story of the days that unfolded on this journey. Sometimes the truth of my feelings may hurt more than at other times. I try to think of other MM sufferers, I truly do. Then of course those that may be hurt by my thoughts here, will not subscribe. So I continue through these most difficult days. The following  verses describe my feelings during a very lovely birthday weekend for Hamada. Our son Jo spent a special time with his Father, we had a celebratory meal together and all in all it was a perfect weekend. Except for one thing although I suppose I have always seen Hamada through ‘rose tinted glasses’. I could now see clearly what I suppose others can see and have notice for some time, visual changes to my dear man’s face.

“Changes”

 

For I am not blind I see now
clearly as these given days allow,
For I am not stupid for thinking more,
willing you to stay.
This blighted weakness pursues you
like some demon spirit
whom I curse with my very being!

 

The once thought improbable
is happening darling man,
I cannot close my eyes
to forget these brown eyes fading,
I cannot shut my mind for all I need
is to see your smile.

 

These brutal changes tear at your resistance
this beloved face is changing
dissolving and vanishing from view,
but never from my heart.
I can at last, see this Beast Within.

 

This wicked Beast who will not leave you
However hard we try.
I am not blind – for I can see ,
this despair at Changes…

 

So many changes…

 

 

All Rights Reserved November 2010

We Pretend ? – by Susie Hemingway.

556965781_2c8ce63757[1]
Do we pretend dear one?
As judgements are made and disclosed
In fretful haze we nuzzle closer
To mirror the fears that we know.
Do we pretend dear one?
As smiles and platitudes wither my heart
Perhaps we do, as we dream anew
Of positive days that will last.

 

We laugh as we follow regimes
But I’m frightened of this new terrain
Praying, dreaming and hoping
That this time there will be some gain.
Still in the consuming darkness
When sleep will just not come
I hear you fretful in slumber
Are we pretending dear one?

 

As in the yellowing dawn light
As my heart pushes down the pain
I think of all the others fighting a similar game,
I think of how far we’ve all come
Such bravery that cuts through this bane
To push down this ‘Wicked Beast’,
And make positive steps to gain.

 

No! I don’t think we’re pretending
Not in the very least
I’m proud of my warrior
Who struggles through with steely belief ,
Proud of my friends who daily defend
Giving him cause to go on
And yes of course I know we can make it,
We’ve really no need to pretend,
                                                  We’ve really no need to pretend…

 

Picture: Arab Warrior Leading A Charge by Adolf Schreyer

My Clock – by Susie Hemingway

 clocks

On the eve of  Hamada starting more Chemotherapy,I felt it appropriate as we finish our lovely Summer without treatment, to  post once again this short verse  first written in 2008.

My Clock.

How peaceful in this pavilion
as the pendulum is free to swing,
I wish to guard these regulated movements
as you oscillate in free time.
I wish to savour your liberty of actions
your power of self-determination.
I need to imprison and restrain this time,
to mend this clock of mine.

 

All Rights Reserved – June 2008

To Fight Again-Thoughts by Susie Hemingway

 

Snow again In Feb 2010 007

Late winter months as news imparts
the gravity of this new start
dear God as we  begin this fight
in restless days and feverish nights,
as poison flows through damaged veins
please not let this be in vain…
Smaller smiles through struggling days
of waiting for the nausea waves,
understanding strange regimes
jab jab as harsh it always seems,
as draw for tests to go ahead
when all he wants is his fresh clean bed.

 

Perpetual hours that make me sigh
impatience that since  child has always been
and now this purgatory of hopeful scene,
as tedious the walks I make
through lengthy corridors and doors of pain,
please Lord! let there be a gain.
How good the compassionate nurses who
bring solace to my broken warrior,
a smile or a tender word all make a difference,
I notice a gentle hand on his shoulder,
in their relentless comforting care.
I also notice many sitting there,
with their dreams of better days…

 

My mind whirls as the precious cylindrical vial arrives with pomp and ceremony,
to scientists far away who have tried to bring
with knowledge gained, further days.
It is received with hope and joy
but will it work to overcome?
for this Man who waits expectantly with those oh! so trusting eyes.

 

A Poem about Chemotherapy  February 2010– all rights reserved

All Is Love – For Valentines Day

2 pics Sea Cave and Snow0714 

 

Love is a perfect note; love is a certain smile, or a gentle touch.
It is the dripping juiciness of ripe mangos on a parched tongue
or the smoothness of rippling silk as it touches your skin,
or perhaps the sweetest strawberry dipped in liquid chocolate?
Love could be the aroma of double espresso just before it reaches your lips,
or is it the woody smell of a newly lit fire?
All is love…

 

Love is also the stormy greys of long worried nights,
love is restless broken sleep that drains energy from your soul
love is eyes heavy from sadness,
But love is also the ashen face that looks at you when days are bad and you are brave.
Love is you, starting the fight once more as realisation arrives in your eyes.
Love is also the beautiful eyes of family members whose tender glances record their own story.
Love is the strong arms that support and guide your way.
Love is the dearest child who stokes your hair with such beautiful little hands.
Love is our private moments that make difficult days better,
love is that look across the room that says it all.

 

Love is all these things…
And all these things are love,
and you.
 
 
 
Photo courtesy: Janey Johnson Photos
All Rights Reserved.

It Shines For You – Susie Hemingway

Moon over the bay

Silver shimmering crest of light
that shines and glistens on special nights
but only seen by those who love,
for those who notice this moon above
fluorescing glow of softest light
that shines on waves in rolling flight,
this secret candescent light that holds
a special place in lover’s souls,
when the flotsam of life is tearing at you
lift your head and see this view.

 

When life’s foreboding ways do seek
to sometime knock you off your feet
take your dreams and shake them loose
never stumble for you will see
this shining luminosity of moonlight free,
for on these magic nights of love
that glow for lovers from above
especially for those entwined souls
for secrets between them never told

 

tilt your head to gaze above
to see this gemlike moon of love…

 

 

This poem is dedicated to Sally and Maurice. October 2009
Copyright @ Susie Hemingway 2009
Photo courtesy of Sally Leeves

The Waiting Game.

“The Waiting Game” a new poem by Susie Hemingway is on: http://www.susiehemingway.blogspot.com

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