A Power Within

Tag: changes

A Passing of Time.

A passing of time… today I gave up my beautiful car and driving!!! Such a huge change after being on the road for almost 60 years!!!! All those years, all those miles. All those wonderful places…

I loved driving and always thought I was rather good at it, having completed all those years without even a bump! I supposed I must have been.

Driving at times with great stress placed upon me. A child needing to reach the hospital quickly, a husband unconscious in the passenger seat!! Chasing a coach to the next stop, when my dear Dad had made a mistake on times when going on holiday with a friend – we made it.  Just  a few of the memories of brake-neck speed. I am proud that i was always very alert, with that quick clear thinking that is SO needed when on the roads or the odd desert track…

I have loved every single minute of it, with the music playing and a youngster in the back learning the words to some great songs and singing along with me. The delights of those days. Oh that passing of time…

I still have a few years on my licence with no medical recommendations, although I have not driven at night for sometime, but feel the time to retire from driving is now. I want to end with a good record and never be a danger to others.

I now have two very good apps for taxis on my phone, a good free bus service into Lincoln and elsewhere but oh! for the early days of speeding down the the M40 into London and the trek of the A1 and traversing the odd roundabout in Cairo and of course the then desert roads of Dubai to AlAin, Abu Dhabi and further afield. Someone kept me safe during those times?? I did love speed!!! Only being booked twice!

Some very hairy times driving through the desert in fierce storms (remember Jenny) only those that have done it will know how difficult it can be, especially in the early days, missing the free roaming camels was a skill. 

I will miss the wind in my hair, the open road of youth and the smell of a new car but most of all I will miss driving, you were my friend…

 

“Changes” – November 2010

Girl walking out to Sea - Nov 2010

When I started this blog more than four years ago I promised always to tell how it is for a Carer of someone with MM. It was important for me that my poems conveyed a little story of the days that unfolded on this journey. Sometimes the truth of my feelings may hurt more than at other times. I try to think of other MM sufferers, I truly do. Then of course those that may be hurt by my thoughts here, will not subscribe. So I continue through these most difficult days. The following  verses describe my feelings during a very lovely birthday weekend for Hamada. Our son Jo spent a special time with his Father, we had a celebratory meal together and all in all it was a perfect weekend. Except for one thing although I suppose I have always seen Hamada through ‘rose tinted glasses’. I could now see clearly what I suppose others can see and have notice for some time, visual changes to my dear man’s face.

“Changes”

 

For I am not blind I see now
clearly as these given days allow,
For I am not stupid for thinking more,
willing you to stay.
This blighted weakness pursues you
like some demon spirit
whom I curse with my very being!

 

The once thought improbable
is happening darling man,
I cannot close my eyes
to forget these brown eyes fading,
I cannot shut my mind for all I need
is to see your smile.

 

These brutal changes tear at your resistance
this beloved face is changing
dissolving and vanishing from view,
but never from my heart.
I can at last, see this Beast Within.

 

This wicked Beast who will not leave you
However hard we try.
I am not blind – for I can see ,
this despair at Changes…

 

So many changes…

 

 

All Rights Reserved November 2010

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